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Currently Browsing: divorce

Decking the halls, divorce-style

I’ve been beating my head against the wall for a few days trying to finish a blog about the holidays. Let me give you a feel for the tone of it how it was going – here are the first two lines: Oh, fuck me. The holidays are upon us. Now listen. I’m not just saying that to be a curmudgeon — remember, for me and my family, this is the First Holiday Season After the Split. I’ve... read more

Get on the board

It’s a rainy, quiet Sunday morning and I’m all cozied up in the camper with the kidsters at the shore. Stealing a quick few minutes to write before B wakes up (enjoying this time but really, really hoping that he’s not dead — he never sleeps this late). What a difference a year makes. That is quite an understatement. Last year around this time we  came here for a weekend on what... read more

A mermaid in mom’s clothing

I was walking out of the grocery store the other day behind someone who was wearing a Mermaid Bar and Lounge T-shirt.  And I thought … One day I’m gonna open up a dive bar and I’m gonna call it The Mermaid. I’ll be about 150 years old and I’ll have badly dyed strawberry blond hair, with about and inch or two of gray at the roots. Every day I’ll show up at the joint in... read more

… and she never dated again.

I was going to open with a big, fat mom anecdote involving only 4 hours of sleep and making milk-free cupcakes for my daughter’s class and multiple trips to the store and … you know what? I got bored halfway through writing it. So [insert charming "frustrated mom" story here]. If you’re a mom, you’ve got one. Feel free to substitute your own. Think of it like Mom Libs. So yeah,... read more

The art of tantric dating

It’s  5:23 AM. I started this last night but exhaustion won out before I could finish. I’m sorta scared to see what I wrote … let me take a peek first before we all go in together. Wait here. All right. It’s not gorgeous in there but I’ve tidied up a bit. Put on those mining helmets. We’re apparently going deep into the dark recesses of my brain. If anyone would just... read more

I’m back!

Shh. It’s early. I have sneaked (snuck?) downstairs to have a little rendezvous with you before the kidsters are awake. I inadvertently made coffee the consistency of pancake syrup but I’m just going to suck down that nasty bidness anyway so my brain can wake up. And then you and I can have our special time together. Because I have missed you. Let me just get my excuses for not writing out of... read more

The Great Divide

It’s my last night in the house. The kids are in bed. It’s really, really quiet. I’m sitting at the high kitchen table, where I always seem to end up working even though I have a desk in the dining room. There are a lot of boxes around but there’s still some packing to do — mostly random piles of clutter that will take some tedious going-through. I’m think I’m... read more

The heart of the ocean

Oh, enough already. I’ve semi-written 3 blogs in the past week and none of them are gellin’. (Is it jellin’? Whatever.) I can’t keep a coherent thought train on the tracks. So just consider this blog a big bunch of random crap. It’s like leftover night. There will be some good stuff, some bad stuff, some stuff that used to be good but hasn’t aged well and some stuff... read more

Don’t know much about Jack

OK, confession time. Shhhh. Lean in real close, would you…? Anyone looking? Here’s the thing: I, uh, really don’t know how to be single. I don’t know how in such a massively huge way that as I’m sitting here typing this I’m on the verge of hysterical laughter because I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I’M DOING! I’m sure this sounds premature. I know we... read more

When you’re walking through hell, don’t stop

Dear Hallmark: I’ve found an untapped market for you — Father’s Day cards to men from the women who are in the middle of divorcing them.  They don’t even have to be bitchy or anything. Maybe something along the lines of, “Hey! Thanks for making those little people with me. They turned out pretty nice, huh? Now go take them to your parents’ house so I can sit on the deck... read more

The D-word. Yeah, that one.

Divorce. No one wants to say it. People find out that you’re having problems and they talk around the issue so they don’t have to use the word. I talked around it, too. I said “splitting up,” “if things don’t work out…,” etc. Then when someone finally says it they whisper it, like that scene in St. Elmo’s fire where the mother kept whispering about... read more

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