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Currently Browsing: housewifery

The Giant Man-Baby Phenomenon

Good God, people. Divorce is RAMPANT in my world the last few years. I am one of the happiest divorced people I know and even I’ll tell you this: Divorce sucks more than Jenna Jamison on a comeback tour. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. While there are many reasons for divorce, I keep noticing one all-too-common scenario the past few years. I call it the Giant Man-Baby Phenomenon. Now I do not... read more

Faking my way through motherhood as best I can

Dear Mom, If I can be half the mother you were/are to me, I’ll consider myself a raging success. Motherhood is not something I always wear like a second skin — unlike you, who has always been a natural momma, through and through. Here are some things you taught me: Take it one day at a time. Laugh at stuff. Be the life of the party sometimes. If your kid is having something at school, go. If... read more

Marriage? No thanks. I already ate.

Right now I’m laying on bed with my head propped up on some pillows and my laptop perched right on top of the old ovaries. Now a little while ago, I wouldn’t have been in this position because I wouldn’t want all that WiFi jizz floating around in the air so close to all the baby-making-and-carrying paraphenalia inside my abdomen. But as I have plans to get myself spayed like a dog in the... read more

A year in the life of a motherblogger

Hey! Guess what, bloggermuffinheads? It’s been a year! I JUST realized that I am now starting my 13th month of According to Trish. WOW! Thanks and big hugs to all of my readers. I can’t tell you what it means to me that people actually come to this site and spend precious moments of their day reading my silly drivel. I LOVE the emails you send me, so keep ‘em coming because they keep me... read more

What will the neighbors say?

I got my ass reamed tonight. The phone rang and by the time I hung it up 20 minutes later, my ear was chewed off and bleeding. There were a lot of nasty things said and the person on the other end of the line was mad, mad, mad at me. And I was mad, mad, mad right back, because I felt that she took some seriously low blows. I hung up the phone and was finishing cooking dinner, crying all the while (because... read more

Get on the board

It’s a rainy, quiet Sunday morning and I’m all cozied up in the camper with the kidsters at the shore. Stealing a quick few minutes to write before B wakes up (enjoying this time but really, really hoping that he’s not dead — he never sleeps this late). What a difference a year makes. That is quite an understatement. Last year around this time we  came here for a weekend on what... read more

A mermaid in mom’s clothing

I was walking out of the grocery store the other day behind someone who was wearing a Mermaid Bar and Lounge T-shirt.  And I thought … One day I’m gonna open up a dive bar and I’m gonna call it The Mermaid. I’ll be about 150 years old and I’ll have badly dyed strawberry blond hair, with about and inch or two of gray at the roots. Every day I’ll show up at the joint in... read more

I’m back!

Shh. It’s early. I have sneaked (snuck?) downstairs to have a little rendezvous with you before the kidsters are awake. I inadvertently made coffee the consistency of pancake syrup but I’m just going to suck down that nasty bidness anyway so my brain can wake up. And then you and I can have our special time together. Because I have missed you. Let me just get my excuses for not writing out of... read more

The Great Divide

It’s my last night in the house. The kids are in bed. It’s really, really quiet. I’m sitting at the high kitchen table, where I always seem to end up working even though I have a desk in the dining room. There are a lot of boxes around but there’s still some packing to do — mostly random piles of clutter that will take some tedious going-through. I’m think I’m... read more

Life is not American Idol

I am having what Oprah calls a full-circle moment.   I’m sitting in a certain coffeehouse near-ish to my home. I was writing about something else and it wasn’t going well. Then they put Jeffrey Gaines on the sound system. (Do you know him? You should…) It occurred to me that it was RIGHT HERE, one table away from where I’m sitting right now, when I saw Jeffrey Gaines perform for... read more

What’s in your snowbank?

A few weeks ago I was in the car going over a bridge when I saw two deer legs sticking straight up, reaching toward heaven. Where was the rest of the deer, you might ask? If you really, really must know, it was plowed into the snowbank on the side of the bridge. Makes you wonder: Was the deer already roadkill when the plow came by or was there one really bloody snowplow roaming the streets someplace? But... read more

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