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Currently Browsing: singledom

I’m tired of pretending I’m not special

Allow me  to sound like a fussy, pretentious asshole for a moment, won’t you? I feel self-important and persnickety saying that I’m an artist. But I am a writer. Yes, writing is an art. I know this. I also know that I’m not writing the great American novel here on the old bloggity. But I’m sure as hell doing something. I’m putting words down and they all have thoughts and... read more

Pioneering the Single Momma Lifestyle

I guess I sort of left you all hangin’ with the Irishman, huh? God bless that crazy, ridiculous man. He has given me carte blanche to blog about him. I have license to say anything I want. (Really, babe? Anything?) (I don’t know who I’m writing to there in those parenthesis because he swears he’s never going to read this. We shall see…) Anyway, this permission isn’t... read more

I am a sitcom: My personal online dating implosion

My boss/editor/friend (let’s call her “Jezebel” to preserve her anonymity) is always telling me that my life should be a sitcom. Today I believe her. Let me make this promise right now: You all are gonna looooooove this one. I never, ever write about my dating life in real time or specifically mention anyone I date, but for this entry I must make an exception. So I’ve been on this... read more

Marriage? No thanks. I already ate.

Right now I’m laying on bed with my head propped up on some pillows and my laptop perched right on top of the old ovaries. Now a little while ago, I wouldn’t have been in this position because I wouldn’t want all that WiFi jizz floating around in the air so close to all the baby-making-and-carrying paraphenalia inside my abdomen. But as I have plans to get myself spayed like a dog in the... read more

Do men find motherhood sexy?

No. read more

Hey there, Mr. Cosmic Soulmate Lover Man

Oh, everybody is an expert. You married folk. You know it all, doncha? I used to know it all, too. Let me tell you something, people. This single-person world out here? It has changed a lot since most of you were in it. Sure, the whole online dating thing has been around for a while now — and when I was married that’s something I always said I’d do when, I mean if, I found myself single... read more

A mermaid in mom’s clothing

I was walking out of the grocery store the other day behind someone who was wearing a Mermaid Bar and Lounge T-shirt.  And I thought … One day I’m gonna open up a dive bar and I’m gonna call it The Mermaid. I’ll be about 150 years old and I’ll have badly dyed strawberry blond hair, with about and inch or two of gray at the roots. Every day I’ll show up at the joint in... read more

… and she never dated again.

I was going to open with a big, fat mom anecdote involving only 4 hours of sleep and making milk-free cupcakes for my daughter’s class and multiple trips to the store and … you know what? I got bored halfway through writing it. So [insert charming "frustrated mom" story here]. If you’re a mom, you’ve got one. Feel free to substitute your own. Think of it like Mom Libs. So yeah,... read more

The art of tantric dating

It’s  5:23 AM. I started this last night but exhaustion won out before I could finish. I’m sorta scared to see what I wrote … let me take a peek first before we all go in together. Wait here. All right. It’s not gorgeous in there but I’ve tidied up a bit. Put on those mining helmets. We’re apparently going deep into the dark recesses of my brain. If anyone would just... read more

I’m back!

Shh. It’s early. I have sneaked (snuck?) downstairs to have a little rendezvous with you before the kidsters are awake. I inadvertently made coffee the consistency of pancake syrup but I’m just going to suck down that nasty bidness anyway so my brain can wake up. And then you and I can have our special time together. Because I have missed you. Let me just get my excuses for not writing out of... read more

The Great Divide

It’s my last night in the house. The kids are in bed. It’s really, really quiet. I’m sitting at the high kitchen table, where I always seem to end up working even though I have a desk in the dining room. There are a lot of boxes around but there’s still some packing to do — mostly random piles of clutter that will take some tedious going-through. I’m think I’m... read more

The heart of the ocean

Oh, enough already. I’ve semi-written 3 blogs in the past week and none of them are gellin’. (Is it jellin’? Whatever.) I can’t keep a coherent thought train on the tracks. So just consider this blog a big bunch of random crap. It’s like leftover night. There will be some good stuff, some bad stuff, some stuff that used to be good but hasn’t aged well and some stuff... read more

Don’t know much about Jack

OK, confession time. Shhhh. Lean in real close, would you…? Anyone looking? Here’s the thing: I, uh, really don’t know how to be single. I don’t know how in such a massively huge way that as I’m sitting here typing this I’m on the verge of hysterical laughter because I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I’M DOING! I’m sure this sounds premature. I know we... read more

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