Free to be you and me, bitches

Posted By on Jan 12, 2010 | 3 comments


I think my blog readers need a nickname. I feel affection toward you so I’m thinking of something sweet and warm and soft like blogmuffins. I considered blogheads but it sounds too much like blackheads and … yuck. Suggestions?
Today I decided to cheat just a bit and not write something totally new. In the professional writing world that I inhabit, we refer to it as slicing and dicing. It’s like taking that ham you had for dinner the other night and cutting it up into iddy-bitty chunks and mixing it with your mac and cheese to get something totally new. Aren’t you excited? Who doesn’t like mac and cheese with meat? What if we mixed in green beans, too? Then you could eat your veggies without tasting them. No? No, green beans? Could you at least try them? For me? Just one? OK, just pick them out and push them to the side of your plate. Really? They gross you out to look at them? My fun little meal is becoming decidedly less fun. Just eat, dammit.
So here’s that 25 Things About Me thingamabob that was going around facebook a while ago. I don’t always like the stuff that goes viral on there (some of it makes me itchy, if you want to know the truth) but I  liked this one — writing and reading it. I loved finding out what people wanted to share with the world. So if you did one, I encourage you to repost it or leave it in the comments after this blog. Or write a totally  new one. Because I want to know about you. For reals.
Mine was from about a year ago. It was one of the first writing projects that I induldged in after Little B was born. Enjoy.
 25 things about me

1. I felt like a fraud as a mother until Megan was 3.
2. I’m happy to say that I picked a good guy to marry. I like him a little more all the time. It took about 10 years for us to get in sync with our visions of the future, but now that we’re there it’s pretty nice.
3. I am tempted to write this entire list in third-person, “facebook status” style. I guess things feel a little less personal that way.
4. Trish is drinking coffee and wearing slippers and trying to write this whole list before Benjamin decides that he has had ENOUGH of lying on the couch and would, again, like to be held.
5. A psychic once said that Trish was a powerful seer in Egypt in a past life and was burnt for speaking out about something. In an odd coincidence, Trish has had a few close calls with fire in this life and it is probably the thing she’s most terrified of. In another odd coincidence, Trish talks too much and often sticks her foot in her mouth.
6. Even though Trish makes her living as a writer, she doesn’t know many basic grammar rules. As Joan Didion says, “Grammar is an instrument I play by ear.”
7. Trish feels like a smartypants because she quoted Joan Didion.
8. Trish has a bunch of books she has bought at used book stores but has yet to read. However, she believes that books come into her life for a reason and each will be read at the appropriate time. This has played out many times before.
9. Trish has been watching a LOT of TV while nursing the baby, especially in the middle of the night. New shows she has become scarily well-versed on: Millionaire Matchmaker, The Real Housewives of Orange County, Jon & Kate + 8, anything to do with flipping houses.
10. Trish’s sister loaned her a fluffy blue nursing shawl that was made specifically for her (the sister) when Trish’s nephew was born. Trish firmly believes that this shawl belongs to her now on some sort of spiritual level since she often cuddles both kids in it at the same and they are all wrapped up like a big blue burrito of love. She believes that she should wrap herself in this shawl when she is an old lady so she can feel the cuddles of her kids again and she really thinks she should die in it (but not for a long time). However, if Trish has to give the shawl back she will do so with the thought that it will carry her and her children’s love vibes on to others.
11. Sometimes when Trish is holding her new baby and he cuddles into her neck she’s almost certain that she and Benjamin are creating their own energy field of love that surely must radiate out into the rest of the world.
12. Trish has the sense of humor of a 5th-grade boy. Megan learned a song at school that goes, “If love is in your heart, sing it out.” It was all Trish could do to refrain from singing, “If love is in your butt, poop it out.” One must remember that one is a role model.
13. Trish also thinks “your mom” jokes are really funny.
14. The best advice Trish will ever give her children is this: Don’t procreate with a jackass. (No bearing on the person Trish procreated with, who is not a jackass.)
15. Trish is really enjoying these new Fiber One pop-tart thingies.
16. Trish looks back on some stupid things she did as a young adult and is really amazed that she’s still alive.
17. Trish thinks that writing in the third-person is getting tiresome and is thinking about switching back to first.
18. I will never lie about my age, unless it’s for a joke or to get a discount somewhere.
19. I think I look pretty good for 37, even though there is baby weight to be attended to.
20. I miss writing my blog and hope that I can get back to it soon.
21. I’m trying to learn to be OK in the moment and not always thinking about what’s next. I think that’s easier if you’re on a beach somewhere or in the woods while snow is falling softly. I need to find those moments when one kid is crying and the other needs help with something and the floor needs vacuumed and the husband is feeling neglected.
22. I have little patience for germaphobes.
23. I took a painting class last year and did some work that I’m actually proud of, considering I was always hopeless in art class in school.
24. I hope I can always remember that my children have their own lives to lead and that their journeys ultimately belong to them. I hope I can see when the most important thing I can do is to get out of the way.
25. Last one. Pressure to make it good. Hmmm. Oh, hell. I don’t know if this is good or not: My ultimate goal, anywhere, anytime, is to find something to laugh about. A shared laugh is even better.

The end.

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3 Comments

  1. Really, you like fiber one pop tarts? Was this some kind of post-baby, lack-of-sleep-I’ll-eat-anything state from which you’ve since moved on? Cause I tried them and they are pretty much cardboard with faux icing.

    Nothing against fiber one but I wanted to attack them instead of face my own inner demon – motherhood. I too consistently feel that I’m a fraud as a mother particularly when I see really awesome moms (you know who I mean, those sweet, smiling, let’s make a caterpillar out of an empty egg carton mom) – and it has nothing to do with my son’s age. I’m hoping that this is some kind of neurosis, that it’s not really real. Otherwise, I’m building a serial killer.

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