Date Archives April 2011

I am a sitcom: My personal online dating implosion

My boss/editor/friend (let’s call her “Jezebel” to preserve her anonymity) is always telling me that my life should be a sitcom. Today I believe her.

Let me make this promise right now: You all are gonna looooooove this one. I never, ever write about my dating life in real time or specifically mention anyone I date, but for this entry I must make an exception.

So I’ve been on this small, local, dating/social networking site for a while. I haven’t done a whole lot with it — a date or two, a few emails, met some nice people to pal around with — but I haven’t really used it for its intended purpose. A little while ago I decided that it was time to dive in. The first thing I did was create a social event —  a dinner (I called it “Chow and Chat”) for this coming Saturday. Next I had my 7-year old snap some sexy pictures of me (just one of the many indignities of being a Single Momma on the Prowl) and I updated my profile. Then I pointed my cursor toward available dudes and went to town.

I emailed one guy. No reply. OK then.

I emailed a second guy. No reply. Um… hmm …

A third. A fourth….  Is my fucking email working? Am I uglier than I thought? Is it because I have kids? Were guys put off by the fact that I listed “getting in your pants” as one of my passions? (That was only on there very briefly, before I lost my nerve and took it down… and yes, I clarified that it was a joke. ) Did they read my blog and get totally terrified? (I had the URL up for about 24-48 hours, before I lost my nerve and took that down, too.) Maybe I’m even too weird for these holistic, new agey types …

Welcome to Camp Loser. My name is Trish and I’ll be your guide.

So I decided SCREW ALLA THAT and I got me a membership to — where they apparently know how to treat a girl like me because I got one hell of a warm welcome (which I’ve heard comes free with the “female package”). Seriously, ladies — join up for the biggest ego boost ever. A friend told me to expect to get an avalanche of attention right after I joined and she didn’t lie.

Anyhoo, the morning after I joined I saw that I got an email (on Match) from one of the guys I emailed on the other web site. He was like, “Hey, I read your email on the other site but I’m not a paid member anymore so I couldn’t respond …” Well then. So we volleyed a few emails back and forth and he seems really interesting — so we’re supposed to talk to find a date to meet up. Cool, right?

I was kicking around the idea of telling him about my event on Saturday and saying he should come — it’s a nice, no-pressure way to meet. But then I thought maybe I just wanted to meet him one-on-one because then we could really talk and see if we hit if off without dealing with a group. But I hadn’t decided.


Not one, but TWO of the other guys I emailed suddenly replied! And guess what? They BOTH saw my event listing for Saturday and want to come. WTF?

So what do I do now?

And, of course, there’s the possibility that any of those guys could be reading this right now. (Dudes: How YOU doin’?) That is, assuming that any of them looked at my profile during the small window of time in which my URL was up and then they bookmarked my site and looked at it again. Do guys do stuff like that? (I know chicks do — I mean, chicks who aren’t me…) And if so, I have nothing to hide because this little Laverne & Shirley/Three’s Company/Bachelorette scenario just sort of happened to me. I mean, I was even purposely only emailing one person at a time, because I’m so, so, so awfully bad at multitasking in the dating world (just ask Jezebel if you don’t believe me).

The possible outcomes are endless. I could like more than one of them. I could like none of them. None of them could like me. They could all go to the event and like other chicks better and I’ll go home sad and lonely … back to my new, virtual dating kingdom  — where I am a Queen and I can get any 60-year old guy I want.

The Little Food Drive That Could

Hey all! I was teasing you with some *big news* on my According to Trish facebook page and now it’s time to spill the beans.

You may or may not remember my Christmas Eve blog post about the food drive that I run. (You can get a refresher here: Now it appears that one of the major dreams that I’ve been cultivating the past few years is finally coming true. I’m sure I’ll have tons to say about this down the line but for today, I just want to share with you the email that I sent my many lovely donors this morning. Then I’m going to lean back, point my head up at the sky, smile real big and feel thankful for a bit.

Here’s the email:

We’ve come a long way, baby!

As you all know, the Little Food Drive That Could has always wanted to be so much more than a food drive. Over the years, we’ve given not only food, but clothes, coats, baby supplies, hygiene items — and practically an entire houseful of stuff to one unfortunate family. Most of all, we given lots and lots of love and concern for the kids we help. Always, you ask me, “What else can I do?”

Well finally, I have some answers for you! I’m so happy to tell that we’re growing and we have BIG PLANS — we not only want to feed these kids, we want to INSPIRE them! Please allow me to introduce our new program: FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

To my surprise and delight, a new-ish friend recently approached me and said, “What’s up with the food drive? I want in.” So I’d also like to introduce you to my good pal and new partner Lisa Ruby. Lisa is a successful business owner in the field of pharmaceutical market research. As far as the food drive, she brings resources, much-needed logistical support, creativity and a real enthusiasm for the greater vision of what this food drive can become. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner!

Lisa and I met with some people at the school yesterday. We had some ideas of what we’d like to provide and we wanted to know what they needed. The answer: Everything!

So (drum roll, please…) our holiday food drive is expanding to become a year-long enrichment program! There are three main parts:

1. The food/clothing/hygiene item donations will expand to continue throughout the school year. Of course, we’ll still have our regular big push at the holidays. Lisa has offered physical space to collect the food at that time (so I can finally get it out of my house!). I will soon give you more specific info on what sort of donations we’re looking for first.

2. We’re going to start a series of small, targeted workshops to inspire kids in certain interest areas. To begin, I’m going to run two creative writing workshops before the end of the school year. Our aim is to have several different workshops in place before the fall. We envision small groups who meet once a month for 4-6 sessions, focusing on hands-on projects (creative writing, photography, knitting, other specific art disciplines, music, etc.) Yes, we want to hear your ideas and yes, we’re on the hunt for volunteers to lead these groups.

3. We’re going to start a speaker series to bring in speakers who can ignite these kids’ imaginations as far as future careers. We’re looking for people with interesting jobs who can come in and speak to a class about their career, how they got there, etc. (First up: Lisa’s fiance, who is a former Navy SEAL and an all-around awesome guy.) Yes, we want your ideas on this, too! As part of this arm of Food for Thought, we also have some field trip ideas that will be off-the-charts amazing if we can pull them off (and it looks like we can). I’ll give you more information as soon as I can. (Aren’t I a tease?)

Lots going on! We would LOVE to get a Web site up and running, as well as a facebook page, so we can all communicate in a more streamlined manner. If anyone has Web expertise and would like to volunteer to help get our Web site moving, that would be fantastic! We’ll get that facebook page up ASAP — we’re just waiting on a few approvals from the school first. (We’re not entirely sure how public we’re allowed to be about the name and location of the school at this point.) We’re also looking into applying for non-profit status, so we can open a bank account and figure out how to let all of you take a tax deduction for donating to us. We’ll keep you posted on that!

Another thing we need: A logo! Any volunteers on that?

I’ll be in touch very soon about the first donation collection. In the meantime, shoot us your ideas at or

I apologize if anyone gets this twice — I tried to pull names from every food drive email from the last three years so I didn’t miss anyone.

Super HUGE thanks to all of you for being a part of this! It’s a dream come true for me and I can’t wait to work with you all as we go forward!


I dare you not to get obsessed with this

Oh, the fun you’re about to have.

Ever hear of the Myers-Briggs personality test? The idea is that there are 16 main personality types and this test helps you determine which one you are. It considers things like whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, how you make decisions, what’s important to you, how you filter the world around you, etc.

I took it in 1997 and I thought I remembered my result. I recently re-took it to see if anything has changed. Nope. I’m apparently … still me. Only now there’s a whole stinking load of information online about what the results mean. So I spent a buncha time reading about myself. And then I told other people about the test and they wanted to take it, too. The upshot is that there’s a whole bunch of us running around right now discussing our four-letter descriptors.

I have to tell you, it’s pretty fascinating. When I read my results, I was actually thinking, “Wha? Has someone been following me around taking notes for the last 39 years? That is cruh-za-zee!”

So now I know that you all want to take it. There’s a quickie online version. Yes, of course, I’m going to give you the URL! Do you think I would get this far and withhold that from you? You know momma loves you! Here she is:

And not that you care about my results because you’ll be too busy reading your own, but below is a buncha info on me — an ENFP. Good, bad and/or ugly — I have to say that I agree with most of it. Incidentally, I find it hilarious that my two “most natural” partner types make up a total of 4% of the entire population. Go me. Although, now that I have everyone taking this, I have to say that I do know several people in my immediate circle who fit the bill — except that most of them are chicks or already married or completely undateable (or some combo of the above). The quest continues.

Me in a nutshell (the operative word being … “shell,”of course): (Bonus info about ENFPs in relationships with lovers, friends and children. Ummm … yep.)

Let me know what YOU are, peeps!