Date Archives January 2012

My life as a credit report (or) I’m 40, bitches

Did your lights dim for just ┬ásec on Friday night? Yeah? Sorry about that. That was just me entering a new decade. That’s right, darling bitches, I am 40. My daughter Megan┬áLOVES to celebrate anyone and everyone’s birthday. A few days before my birthday I told her, “You know, I’m turning 40 this week. I think I need a crown. Can you make me one?” Within in 10 minutes, she had this gorgeous piece of headgear ready to go. It was so beautiful that I cried. (I may sound like… Read More

Cheating: Can you get away with it?

Marriage is a complicated motherfarker, isn’t it? I mean, first you have to make sure you pick the right person to marry — and there are so many ways to screw that choice up. Then you have to deal with someone else’s quirks and bathroom habits and bodily functions. Then you have to find a way to keep things interesting and exciting so you don’t die of utter fucking boredom from slapping the same ass night after night after night … I mean, variety is the spice of life, is… Read More

The Giant Man-Baby Phenomenon

Good God, people. Divorce is RAMPANT in my world the last few years. I am one of the happiest divorced people I know and even I’ll tell you this: Divorce sucks more than Jenna Jamison on a comeback tour. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. While there are many reasons for divorce, I keep noticing one all-too-common scenario the past few years. I call it the Giant Man-Baby Phenomenon. Now I do not think all men are giant man-babies. But I’ve seen enough of them in action to know that… Read More