Month: May 2012

My haunted house

May 30, 2012 / 1 Comment

You know me well enough by now. You probably saw the title of this post and assumed that I’m about to get all philosophical about my divorce or the ghosts of my past … But no. Not this time. Today I’m actually going to tell you about the ghost in my house. Yes. Really. Full…

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Marking a decade with chinese food and the Real Housewives

May 18, 2012 / 0 Comments

It’s 5:44 on Friday. I’ve canceled my plans. I’ve ordered Chinese food. I have some wine. I have some “Real Housewives” on the DVR. My goal: Be in bed with a book by 7:30. Asleep by 8:30. This time, exactly 10 years ago, I was standing at the altar. Yup. I knew this day was…

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Dear Dads: Mother’s Day is tomorrow. Don’t screw it up.

May 12, 2012 / 2 Comments

Dear Fathers, Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. (I am just going to take it as a given that you knew that all on your own.) We need to talk, fellas. First, let me start by thanking you for your various contributions to child-rearing. I don’t know you all, but my guess is that you’ve enhanced your…

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Growing skin: A completely disgusting metaphor on healing your life

May 10, 2012 / 2 Comments

I burnt the heck out of my knuckles the other week. I was making gravy at the time. I was happy with how it was coming out for a change. I finally learned my mom’s secret for making it nice and smooth, rather than having to chase flour balls around the pan and squish them…

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It’s National Moody and Difficult Day

May 7, 2012 / 5 Comments

Today I have decided to be moody and difficult. It’s a good day for it. I have a nasty eye infection. It’s gross. My eyes were spewing out all kinds of spoogey gunk all weekend. They burn. For the last three days, I haven’t been able to open my left eye when I wake up…

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New-age smartass.

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