Date Archives November 2015

Best Gift Idea for a 7 Year-Old Boy (Or Any Kid Who Loves Minecraft)

parenting

I never write product posts. This is not that sorta blog. So you’re probably expecting me to be snarky or something here.

 

But surprise! I just have to share this with you because the holiday season is coming up and you probably need present ideas that don’t suck. Ohmygoodgawd do I hate buying something for my kids and then tossing it out a year later after it’s been played with twice.

 

If you know me, you know that I lack the gift-giving gene. I am beyond remedial. In fact, I often completely forget that arriving with a gift in hand for certain occasions is expected.

 

More than once, I’ve been in the car on the way to someone’s housewarming party — usually running 10-20 minutes late — when I realize that I have failed to procure a housewarming present. Then I frantically look around my car to see if there’s anything that could be considered “presenty.”

 

(Once there actually was. That’s why, to this day, my go-to gift for every housewarming party is a plunger. Tie a big happy bow around the handle and you’ll be the hit of the party.)

 

Here’s the info you want

 

My (not so) wee little son turned 7 yesterday and I actually got him something amazing! (Go ME!!!)

It’s creative!

And not annoying!

He hasn’t stopped playing with it!

I feel like I already got my money’s worth.

What is this miracle product? It’s the MineCraft Stop-Motion Animation Studio.

 

I made a stop-motion movie in college. It took approximately one million hours and 10 million curse words to churn out a 6-minute short in which several Fisher-Price Little People met their tragic ends.

 

But last night, Benjamin and I made 3 movies in about 30 minutes. Then I had to go attend to something else and he made one completely on his own.

 

This morning, he made this one totally by himself. It has a plot and everything. (It’s called Finley because he made it for his friend.)

httpss://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd2tl7tlbNI&feature=youtu.be

I am totally wowed by technology.

 

Since this is sort of product review-y, I guess I should also tell you that you need a non-ancient smartphone or tablet for this so you can download the movie app. You can edit, add sound effects and do all kinds of other fun things right in the app.

 

I was worried that this might be one of those toys that would require me to provide constant assistance, but the product reviews I read before I bought it said otherwise. They did not lie. This toy officially rocks.

 

Hope you find this helpful.

 

Disclosure so I don’t feel like a slimeball about this: I participate in the Amazon Associates program, which means that Amazon throws some spare change and a few crinkled up gum wrappers at me if people buy stuff from my links.

Please note, however, that I am committed to only whoring myself out for booze or gummy bears (or compliments if I’m having a “Trish is feeling ugly” sorta day). I don’t plan on turning my site into a product blog. If I link to something, it’s because I seriously dig the crap out of it and think you might like it, too. (For example, I would never suggest you buy this, or this, or this.)

Merry Thanksgiving!

____

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I also write a blog about the business of writing. You can check it out at WriteWorks.co or sign up for email updates here.

 

Gathering with old friends

Adventure 4 Comments

He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Steve Holt! No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. Marry me. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’m a monster. Army had half a day. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

I’m afraid I just blue myself.

First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Really? Did nothing cancel? Well, what do you expect, mother? Michael!

Really? Did nothing cancel? Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ Really? Did nothing cancel?

“IT’S SIMPLE UNTIL YOU MAKE IT COMPLICATED”JASON FRIED, 37SIGNALS

Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. Whoa, this guy’s straight? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. Well, what do you expect, mother? I’m afraid I just blue myself.

Guy’s a pro. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Marry me. Guy’s a pro.

THE PHILOSOPHY BEHIND

Steve Holt! No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Army had half a day. Marry me. We just call it a sausage.

Guy’s a pro. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. We just call it a sausage. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. No… but I’d like to be asked! Whoa, this guy’s straight?

There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. No… but I’d like to be asked! There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

STAY HUNGRY, STAY FOOLISH.STEVE JOBS

Guy’s a pro. I care deeply for nature. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Whoa, this guy’s straight? Whoa, this guy’s straight?

No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s why you always leave a note!

Across from where? I’m afraid I just blue myself. No… but I’d like to be asked! Guy’s a pro. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?”

Hipster painter.

Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. I care deeply for nature. I care deeply for nature. I’m a monster. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No… but I’d like to be asked! It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

You’ve swallowed a planet! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Saving the world with meals on wheels. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister.

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today.

Better Readability

I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You’ve swallowed a planet! They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff.

I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’!

It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Did I mention we have comfy chairs? All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! You hit me with a cricket bat. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Daily Inspiration

Adventure Life

He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Steve Holt! No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. Marry me. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’m a monster. Army had half a day. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

I’m afraid I just blue myself.

First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Really? Did nothing cancel? Well, what do you expect, mother? Michael!

Really? Did nothing cancel? Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ Really? Did nothing cancel?

“IT’S SIMPLE UNTIL YOU MAKE IT COMPLICATED”JASON FRIED, 37SIGNALS

Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. Whoa, this guy’s straight? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. Well, what do you expect, mother? I’m afraid I just blue myself.

Guy’s a pro. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Marry me. Guy’s a pro.

THE PHILOSOPHY BEHIND

Steve Holt! No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Army had half a day. Marry me. We just call it a sausage.

Guy’s a pro. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. We just call it a sausage. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. No… but I’d like to be asked! Whoa, this guy’s straight?

There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. No… but I’d like to be asked! There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

STAY HUNGRY, STAY FOOLISH.STEVE JOBS

Guy’s a pro. I care deeply for nature. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Whoa, this guy’s straight? Whoa, this guy’s straight?

No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s why you always leave a note!

Across from where? I’m afraid I just blue myself. No… but I’d like to be asked! Guy’s a pro. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?”

Hipster painter.

Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. I care deeply for nature. I care deeply for nature. I’m a monster. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No… but I’d like to be asked! It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

You’ve swallowed a planet! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Saving the world with meals on wheels. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister.

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today.

Better Readability

I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You’ve swallowed a planet! They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff.

I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’!

It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Did I mention we have comfy chairs? All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! You hit me with a cricket bat. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

History of the Beloved Machine

Adventure

He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Steve Holt! No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. Marry me. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’m a monster. Army had half a day. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

I’m afraid I just blue myself.

First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Really? Did nothing cancel? Well, what do you expect, mother? Michael!

Really? Did nothing cancel? Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ Really? Did nothing cancel?

“IT’S SIMPLE UNTIL YOU MAKE IT COMPLICATED”JASON FRIED, 37SIGNALS

Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. Whoa, this guy’s straight? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. Well, what do you expect, mother? I’m afraid I just blue myself.

Guy’s a pro. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Marry me. Guy’s a pro.

THE PHILOSOPHY BEHIND

Steve Holt! No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Army had half a day. Marry me. We just call it a sausage.

Guy’s a pro. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. We just call it a sausage. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. No… but I’d like to be asked! Whoa, this guy’s straight?

There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. No… but I’d like to be asked! There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

STAY HUNGRY, STAY FOOLISH.STEVE JOBS

Guy’s a pro. I care deeply for nature. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Whoa, this guy’s straight? Whoa, this guy’s straight?

No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s why you always leave a note!

Across from where? I’m afraid I just blue myself. No… but I’d like to be asked! Guy’s a pro. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?”

Hipster painter.

Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. I care deeply for nature. I care deeply for nature. I’m a monster. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No… but I’d like to be asked! It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

You’ve swallowed a planet! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Saving the world with meals on wheels. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister.

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today.

Better Readability

I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You’ve swallowed a planet! They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff.

I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’!

It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Did I mention we have comfy chairs? All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! You hit me with a cricket bat. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Living in San Francisco

Adventure

He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Steve Holt! No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. Marry me. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’m a monster. Army had half a day. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

I’m afraid I just blue myself.

First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Really? Did nothing cancel? Well, what do you expect, mother? Michael!

Really? Did nothing cancel? Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ Really? Did nothing cancel?

“IT’S SIMPLE UNTIL YOU MAKE IT COMPLICATED”JASON FRIED, 37SIGNALS

Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. Whoa, this guy’s straight? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. Well, what do you expect, mother? I’m afraid I just blue myself.

Guy’s a pro. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Marry me. Guy’s a pro.

THE PHILOSOPHY BEHIND

Steve Holt! No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Army had half a day. Marry me. We just call it a sausage.

Guy’s a pro. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. We just call it a sausage. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. No… but I’d like to be asked! Whoa, this guy’s straight?

There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. No… but I’d like to be asked! There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

STAY HUNGRY, STAY FOOLISH.STEVE JOBS

Guy’s a pro. I care deeply for nature. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Whoa, this guy’s straight? Whoa, this guy’s straight?

No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s why you always leave a note!

Across from where? I’m afraid I just blue myself. No… but I’d like to be asked! Guy’s a pro. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?”

Hipster painter.

Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. I care deeply for nature. I care deeply for nature. I’m a monster. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No… but I’d like to be asked! It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

You’ve swallowed a planet! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Saving the world with meals on wheels. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister.

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today.

Better Readability

I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You’ve swallowed a planet! They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff.

I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’!

It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Did I mention we have comfy chairs? All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! You hit me with a cricket bat. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Simple in Maine

Adventure

He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Steve Holt! No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. Marry me. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’m a monster. Army had half a day. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

I’m afraid I just blue myself.

First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Really? Did nothing cancel? Well, what do you expect, mother? Michael!

Really? Did nothing cancel? Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ Really? Did nothing cancel?

“IT’S SIMPLE UNTIL YOU MAKE IT COMPLICATED”JASON FRIED, 37SIGNALS

Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. Whoa, this guy’s straight? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. Well, what do you expect, mother? I’m afraid I just blue myself.

Guy’s a pro. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Marry me. Guy’s a pro.

THE PHILOSOPHY BEHIND

Steve Holt! No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Army had half a day. Marry me. We just call it a sausage.

Guy’s a pro. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. We just call it a sausage. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. No… but I’d like to be asked! Whoa, this guy’s straight?

There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. No… but I’d like to be asked! There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

STAY HUNGRY, STAY FOOLISH.STEVE JOBS

Guy’s a pro. I care deeply for nature. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Whoa, this guy’s straight? Whoa, this guy’s straight?

No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. That’s why you always leave a note!

Across from where? I’m afraid I just blue myself. No… but I’d like to be asked! Guy’s a pro. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?”

Hipster painter.

Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. I care deeply for nature. I care deeply for nature. I’m a monster. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

No… but I’d like to be asked! It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

You’ve swallowed a planet! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Saving the world with meals on wheels. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister.

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today.

Better Readability

I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You’ve swallowed a planet! They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff.

I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’!

It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Did I mention we have comfy chairs? All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! You hit me with a cricket bat. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?