Zen and Teenagers Do Not Mix

December 8, 2018

I‘ve recently decided to let go of being the laundry police for the preteens and teens in this house. If people don’t put their clothes away … whatever. That’s on them. My only rule is this: You must return all laundry baskets from your room before I will do more laundry for you. This felt…

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Someone who is not Gwyneth Paltrow doing yoga

10 Things Gwyneth Paltrow Copied From Me

December 7, 2018

Have you heard? Gwyneth Paltrow claims that she is the reason so many people do yoga. May I quote? I must: “Forgive me if this comes out wrong,” Paltrow continued, “but I went to do a yoga class in L.A. recently and the 22-year-old girl behind the counter was like, ‘Have you ever done yoga…

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National Mom’s Day Off is December 26th! What Are You Going to Do?

November 26, 2018

The calendar is a bitch over the holidays, amiright? You know what would make things way better? If you made the calendar your bitch instead. And that, ladies, is exactly what I’ve done. This year, I cordially invite you to set aside December 26th to celebrate National Mom’s Day Off. This is a totally-made-up holiday…

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turkey roasting in the oven

FAKESgiving: The Divorced Parents’ Guide to the Holidays

November 21, 2018

Hi, divorced people! Yes, the holidays are upon us. Whoop dee fucking hoo! What are you serving with your turkey this year? A side of resentment? Loneliness? Maybe some sickeningly sweet vengeance for dessert? A better question: Where will your sad little handoff be? The deserted HomeGoods parking lot in the middle of T-Day, so the…

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I Am Not a Good Person

November 13, 2018

OK. So. Yes. I do see the dog barf on the floor. But I’m pretending … just for the moment … that I do not see it. OK. So. Joe just walked in. I had just typed the sentence above when he entered the room. I turned the laptop toward him so he could read…

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My Review of Hello Sunshine x Together Live

November 8, 2018

So I went to a thing on Sunday night. What I found funny about it, and what I still find a little funny, is that I spent $160+ for two tickets and I really had no idea what the heck I was going to. I spoke to the women who were sitting next to me,…

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About Me


New-age smartass.

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