I was looking for a stock photo of an iPhone. The woman in this picture looks so much like me I decided to go with it. #twinning True story: Me: Hey Siri, set a timer for 10 minutes. Siri: For how long? Me: TENNNNN MINNNNUTTTTES. Siri: Calling [Name of ex-husband’s new wife, whom I blocked…Read More
Trigger warning for harassment. (Obviously.) This Kavanaugh hearing … I’ve been ready to throw a brick through a window for days. But in addition the anger, I keep feeling guilt. Because one time one of my friends got sexually harassed and I handled it all wrong. You know what I did? I stayed friendly with…Read More
Joe loses his keys constantly. And his wallet. And sometimes his phone. It’s hilarious. Except that whenever this happens, he turns into a vile, snarling, doom-creature and stomps around the house yelling that his keys/wallet/phone are missing … and that is usually followed up by some blanket declarations about how we need PLACES to put…Read More
Note to everyone in the whole world: If you’re ever asked to give a recommendation, do not say that someone is a consummate professional. Everyone says this. Everyone. If you’re recommending someone, of course you think they’re really good at being professional in whatever field you’re in. Otherwise, why are you bothering? The bar of…Read More
I challenge you to name three things that are more annoying than having your shorts crawl up between your thighs while you’re walking down the street to go to a coffee shop … and then having to try to arrest the crawl-up by changing your gait. Like you try to have your thigh meat sort…Read More
Today was the first full day back from vacation. Do I have to just stop vacation eating? Because I gotta say, I was thoroughly enjoying eating with abandon for an entire week. Like, right now I want pizza for dinner. A lot of it. We had pizza twice on vacation. But now I want it…Read More
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