turkey roasting in the oven

FAKESgiving: The Divorced Parents’ Guide to the Holidays

November 21, 2018

Hi, divorced people! Yes, the holidays are upon us. Whoop dee fucking hoo! What are you serving with your turkey this year? A side of resentment? Loneliness? Maybe some sickeningly sweet vengeance for dessert? A better question: Where will your sad little handoff be? The deserted HomeGoods parking lot in the middle of T-Day, so the…

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I Am Not a Good Person

November 13, 2018

OK. So. Yes. I do see the dog barf on the floor. But I’m pretending … just for the moment … that I do not see it. OK. So. Joe just walked in. I had just typed the sentence above when he entered the room. I turned the laptop toward him so he could read…

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My Review of Hello Sunshine x Together Live

November 8, 2018

So I went to a thing on Sunday night. What I found funny about it, and what I still find a little funny, is that I spent $160+ for two tickets and I really had no idea what the heck I was going to. I spoke to the women who were sitting next to me,…

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A Quick Entry Followed By a Long One

November 8, 2018

Hi all. I am whooped today. And pooped. And those two words look like they should rhyme, yet they don’t. Today I am feeling utterly overwhelmed. My mom is in the hospital — and she’s totally fine, thanks to amazing medical science and fantastic doctors. But that is what the last two and a half…

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Dear God: Please Help Me Stop Cursing at Strangers

November 2, 2018

Dear God, Please help me survive until the election without punching someone in the face. As you know, I’ve never punched anyone in the face. As you know, I am a proud graduate of the Taunt-and-Run School of Combat. I’m all talk, God. Inside this creampuffy body is the soul of, well, a creampuff. But…

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Flowers lying on a sidewalk outside of Pittsburgh synagogue

Empty Words

October 28, 2018

(This was going to be a Facebook post but it got long so I put it here.) Sending out lots of love to all of my Jewish friends, who must be reeling right now. This feels … eerily familiar. Sending out lots of love to all my black friends, who must be … what? Seething…

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New-age smartass.

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