Date Archives July 2012

Who has herpes? This girl!

  My friend texted me the other day: “Congrats on getting herpes!” So yeah. Yeppers. Apparently I have herpes. Not herpes herpes. As in down there.  I have herpes zoster. Otherwise known as shingles. Yes, you probably know it as thing thing old people get. And I’m 40, which is “young” to get this. Who’s an overachiever? This girl! Even better: I get to be on Valtrex. You know — the herpes medication. Because apparently it’s used to treat two things: Genital herpes and shingles. A deliciously nasty and funny… Read More

Gym class reject

At a lovely party last Saturday night with some lovely friends. Chit chatting. Drink drunking. Nib nubbling. (Hey! I made a word!) Then my friend’s husband — as in, the dude hosting the par-tay — came over and asked her, “Should we play wiffle ball now?” She was all, “Suuuure.” She slouched a little more in her chair and took a long schlurp of her drink. It was clear she didn’t have a concern in the world. But me? I was freaking OUT. He might as well have said, “Let’s… Read More

You’re probably secretly gay

So let’s face it: You’re probably secretly gay. Or maybe not exactly gay, as in the homosexual sense, but you’re probably in the closet about something. Aren’t we all? What’s crushing you? About a year and a half ago, I was driving out to meet my darling werewolf pal Brad for a drink (I’m only half kidding about the werewolf thing) when my phone rang. It was another friend of mine — a smart, accomplished, savvy chick who seemed to have the world by the balls.  I had a 40-minute drive in… Read More

Dying alone. That’s gotta suck.

So dying alone. That’s gotta suck. That was my thought just now. It’s Sunday night. I’ve been drinking white wine spritzers alone since, like, 4. It’s been supah awesome. If it’s true that how we act when we’re totally alone is who we really are then I guess I’m a drunk, gluttonous pervert. Go me. I could make all kinds of excuses about how many times when I’m alone I go hiking or biking or take in cultural events. But I’m thrilled to tell you that it’s too hot to… Read More