Thanksgiving eve. So tired. Wicked emotional. (I used to live in Massachusetts. I’m still allowed to say that.) Listen, I’m so wiped I’m not even going to proofread this. Sorry in advance — it could be so ugly.
Feeling thankful for many things but sad for others. Let’s get the sad out of the way first so we can end on an up note …
Sad
Seems so many of my friends are having their first Thanksgiving without a parent. If you’re one of them, I say just shoot for surviving the holiday season — don’t pressure yourself to enjoy it.
Seems so many people are having their first Thanksgiving post-divorce. If you’re one of them, I say just shoot for surviving the holiday season — don’t pressure yourself to enjoy it.
I was just reminded that there’s a pregnant widow not far from here who will be going through her first holiday without her husband, who was killed in the line of the duty. My friend is her neighbor.
We put our house up for sale today. Not the Single Momma Townhouse (which I don’t own), the Married House. I sat in my old kitchen for two hours today talking to the realtor. Then we brought her on a tour of the place and it was weird to still know every nook and cranny even though I haven’t lived there for two years.
My mom might sell her house this year, so this could be our last Thanksgiving there — I’m pretty sure this year will be the 29th Thanksgiving turkey my mom cooked in that oven.
The table will look different tomorrow. My brother-in-law will not be there. I will feel sad for my sister and sad for myself as I remember my first post-split Thanksgiving. My older sister’s kids will leave at noon even though we’ll all want them to stay, but we know it’s not “our” year on the rotation.
I feel sad for myself thinking about how last year at this time I was happy that the Irishman could spend Thanksgiving with us.
Thankful
I’m thankful for an absolutely crushing freelance job that is making me stay up too late and get up too early and making me resort to feeding my kids dinners from gas stations and drive-thru windows — but that promises a nice paycheck at the end. I am thankful for every single second of it.
I’m thankful that even though I know people who are grieving this holiday season, I know an equal number of people who are delighting in their new children — and in some cases, the same person is doing the simultaneous grieving and delighting. Circle of life, I guess.
I’m thankful that even though the people I know who are getting divorced are exhausted, worn out and sad, that they know they’ve taken steps toward living a more authentic life — and that they’ll be OK.
I’m thankful that my old house felt like a big, warm hug to me tonight. That house saw an awful lot of joy and pain. I always felt bad for it, that we could never be the happy family that it deserved. I’m sad to see it go, but I’m thinking of the good things, mostly that that’s the house where I learned how to be a mom. Standing in my kids’ rooms that I decorated for them before they were born — it’s hard but also so beautiful. I have many happy memories. Those rooms exist so fully in my mind that I think if thought hard enough about them I could will them into solid matter right here where I sit.
I’m thankful that the widow I mentioned above got a Thanksgiving dinner delivered to her by a police motorcade tonight. I can’t imagine what that woman is going through, but I hope that gesture gave her some small feeling of comfort.
I’m thankful for transitions. While I may soon be saying goodbye to two houses I called home for long periods of time, I’m OK with the idea that nothing in life stays the same. Change doesn’t have to be bad.
I’m thankful that my kids will be with me all day tomorrow, and that our custody arrangement has been kind to me.
I’m thankful that even though I had to say goodbye to the Irishman, I did what I needed to do to take care of myself, rather than letting all that was important to me slide for the sake of someone else. I think I’m still learning that lesson, but I’m glad it’s in process at least.
I’m thankful to help my mom cook, watch the Macy’s parade on TV with my kids (they LOVE it and so do I), catch up with my sisters and enjoy watching all the kids enjoy each other.
I’m thankful to have some really nice things to look forward to this weekend with fantastic people. I’m thankful that I really, truly am surrounded by the best people on the planet.
I’m thankful you read this. I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow — but remember, don’t do anything kinky with that cranberry sauce. It’s a family day, fer cryin’ out loud.
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