Hey! You made it! You know, when I moved here I wasn’t sure that people would want to trek all the way across the Internet to see me. But there you are! Come on in… let’s get social-like with the peeps.
Kick off your shoes. I’m not worried about the carpets, I just want people to feel comfortable. Go grab some sofa. Cuddle up in the squashy cushions and help yourself to a little gnosh. There’s a can of squeezey cheese making its way around. Some people prefer to eat it directly from the nozzle but there are some of those little swiss-cheesey looking crackers on the table if you prefer to eat it on those. It’s like, “Hey! Do whatever you want!” You know what I mean? Am I talking too much? I tend to do that.
All right, I think we’re all here now. First, thank you all for coming to my little loft. I think that’s what I’m going to call it because I like the idea of all of us hanging around in an undefined space and sort of seeing where the conversation takes us. I’ve jotted down some ground rules for our time together. Actually, let’s not call them rules because having rules in a blog is about as much fun as climbing into your bed to find that someone has peed on your sheets. Let’s call them guidelines instead. (Yes, a little corporatey-sounding, but whatever… let’s not get hung up on semantics, huh?)
Here we go:
1. I will not clean up before you come over. If you walk in my door, you get what you get. Typos, incorrect grammar-y sorts of things, dog hair on the couch cushions. You get the idea.
2. I have little patience for small talk. I feel that I have met my obligation for small talk by informing you about the canned cheese. Now let’s move on. Let’s make it good. What’s going on in your gut? What’s breaking your heart today? What’s giving you a little zing in the crotchal region? What has you jumping out of your chair and yelling, “ME ME ME!!! Pick Me!” There is so much good stuff to talk about. Let’s not waste our time on trivialities.
3. We will hit all the biggie topics: politics, religion, sex, drugs, the mommy wars, iPhone v. Blackberry, etc. I’ll also probably tell you a lot about things I’ve eaten or am thinking about eating or would like to eat. I’m pretty confident that I’ll consistently write posts that could be labeled TMI. I will embarrass myself. I will put my foot in my mouth over and over again. I will be ill-informed without realizing it. I invite you to do the same. Or not. Some people are sharers and some people are voyeurs. It’s all cool with me. Unless you start getting on my nerves.
4. Things I will not provide: fashion tips, parenting tips, weight-loss tips, relationship tips, financial tips or useful information of any kind (except purely by accident).
5. Since I’d like us all to be honest and candid, let’s realize that sometimes what is honest and true and candid in one moment is not so in the next. Let’s give each room to change and grow. Let’s give each other room to surprise each other.
6. While we can all say just about whatever we want in here, let’s keep our eye on the ball. Let’s understand that whatever is said in here should not create bad feelings that will make it awkward for us to hold hands later when we cross the street. I will forget this sometimes and so you will you. Let’s remind each other kindly.
7. On the flipside, be willing to take a joke at your own expense from time to time. Laughing at oneself is one of the great gifts of growing older. Let’s realize that we’re all ridiculous now and then.
I think that just about covers it. I’m still rearranging furniture and hanging pictures and such, so the old loft may look a little different sometimes. I am a dork in many ways but I am definitely not a technodork so I still have some of that mess to iron out. But even if I have dishes in the sink and hair in the shower drain, I just want you to know that I’m always happy to see you if you don’t mind a little mess.
Come back soon, ya hear?