Today I am grateful for resilience, Republicans and O’Reilly. (And alliteration! So yummy!)

I read an article years ago that stated that the best thing you can do for your kids is teach them how to be resilient.

Learning another language, playing an instrument, becoming a superjock … none of these things determine success.

Dealing with and adapting to change is the key.

Why? Because nothing, no thing in life ever remains the same forever and always.

You were small and now you’re big. Friends move away and new people move into their house. People get divorced. You make money, you lose money. People around you die.

Things are constantly in motion. The people who learn this and adapt fare much better.

Think of it like the weather. It’s pretty dopey to bundle up in winter clothes if it’s 75 degrees outside — even if it’s December and December is “supposed” to be a cold month.

I feel yo pain, conservatives

I’ve been thinking about this a lot because of the election.

I just want to say that I feel bad for the people who think Obama is the worst thing to ever happen to this country.

I couldn’t stand George W. Bush. I cringed every time I heard his stupid voice and all the stupidity coming from his stupid mouth on his big, stupid face.

Is that how you feel about Obama, conservatives? You have genuine disgust, don’t you? And fear. When I’m seeing my suburban, middle-class momfriend on Facebook talk about buying firearms and fortifying her home, I think it’s safe to say that people are losing their shit over this.

When Dubya got elected, I was a news junkie. I hung out with other news junkies and we waited for things to fall apart. In our minds, things did — and pretty fast. (Iraq War: I’m lookin’ at you.)

I couldn’t wait until four years passed so I could vote that doofus OUT — send him PACKING because this country had had ENOUGH.

But yeah. Not so much.

How to survive being a loser

Four more years of THAT guy. How was I ever going to survive when that idiot was in the White House making asinine decisions every single day?

Finally, I had to realize that I was becoming a self-righteous, humorless fuck.

Conservatives: Don’t let this be you.

Here’s how to handle it: STOP.

No more news for you. Turn that shit off for a while. It will just make you angry. You already voted. That means that right now, today, there’s nothing else you can do.

I had to realize that during the Bush years. I stopped paying attention, with the idea that if there was a big enough issue that required me to write to my congressperson, I’d hear about it at some point.

But day to day, soundbite to soundbite … I was out.

And you know what happened? The world kept turning. The sun kept rising. It all went on without me.

And I was much happier. I suspect I was also much nicer to be around.

Change happens

But back to that resilience thing…

Conservatives, while I understand that you’re upset, I do want to gently point out something.

The world is changing. I see so much anger and fear on your side of the fence and to me, it seems that much of it has to do with fear of change.

Is all change good? Of course not. But refusing to acknowledge that change is happening and claiming that some past incarnation is the “way things should be” is unrealistic.

Think about it in your own life.

You don’t continue to dress your teenagers in Dora the Explorer clothing. That would be silly.

Maybe your parents are getting too old to take care of the family house — and maybe it’s so big that it’s become a burden. It doesn’t serve them anymore.

You take an aspirin every day for your heart health, but you never did that when you were younger.

What people need changes.

What countries need changes, too.

We are not the same country we were in the past. Trying to stuff this nation into some past mold of an “ideal” United States isn’t serving anyone.

We need to look at who we are today and what our needs are.

Just one example: Climate change is going to be harder to ignore and attempting to discredit scientists because we don’t like what they’re saying is only wasting time, while our shores flood and our people suffer.

Feeling the love for the right

So today I am thankful for resilience and the Republican party and Bill fucking O’Reilly.

Yep. All of those.

Why?

I know they don’t like it, but they’re finally admitting that some of their old ideas no longer fit the country.

When they say “America is changing,” I know they’re mourning that fact — but I’m happy to hear them at least acknowledge it. I have this crazy, probably unrealistic thought that maybe that acknowledgement might bring us closer together on some things.

Your worst fears probably won’t happen

Conservatives, I managed to survive eight years of Dubya. I didn’t love that time.

But while he was in office, you know what I did manage to love?

My family. My friends. My dog. Drinking coffee. Writing. Going for walks.

You get my point.

Keep perspective. Sure, there are serious issues that may affect your life. You’re worried. You’re scared.

But despite your fears, it’s pretty unlikely you’re going to wake up in the morning and find two undocumented, atheist, homosexual Mexicans eating your Captain Crunch while sodomizing your cats and tuning all your radios to NPR.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

Resilience.

You can do it.