turkey roasting in the oven

FAKESgiving: The Divorced Parents’ Guide to the Holidays

November 21, 2018 / 5 Comments

Hi, divorced people! Yes, the holidays are upon us. Whoop dee fucking hoo! What are you serving with your turkey this year? A side of resentment? Loneliness? Maybe some sickeningly sweet vengeance for dessert? A better question: Where will your sad little handoff be? The deserted HomeGoods parking lot in the middle of T-Day, so the…

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Weddings and Babies and Bruno

February 27, 2018 / 1 Comment

So I’m back at Panera. My old Panera. The one I used to come to to cry and kill time when my ex-husband and I were separating so many years ago … And why I am here now after so many years? Because I just dropped my kids off at the hospital — where my ex-husband’s new…

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Cover image for You're Only Getting Older and Uglier — Start Online Dating Now, by Trish Sammer

Apparently I Wrote a Book

May 25, 2017 / 1 Comment

I woke up this morning and saw a headline titled “50 Challenges You Can Start Today.” I wonder what sort of person reads that and goes “HELL YES, MOTHERFUCKER! Bring it ON!” I know those people exist. I am not one of them. The fact that I have to work today AND pick up kids…

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Why Getting Divorced is Like Going to the Hotel California

February 1, 2016 / 0 Comments

Hello everyone! I just wanted to share a new piece I wrote that was published by YourTango. Read it here: DivorceLand: You Can Check Out Any Time But You Can NEVER Leave Don’t forget to sign up to have my posts emailed to you.

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The BEST ADVICE You Can Ever Give Your Kids: Don’t Procreate with a Jackass

August 28, 2015 / 1 Comment

We try to give our kids the tools to live happy, successful lives. But here, I believe, is the BEST ADVICE you can ever drill into your children’s brains and we just don’t say it enough: Don’t procreate with a jackass. You can use different words when imparting my suggested advice, but I think “jackass”…

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The beautiful ruins of a wedding anniversary

May 18, 2013 / 0 Comments

Eleven years ago today I walked down the aisle. It’s been four years since I celebrated this date. Shit happens. Yesterday I had to drive past the place where I got married. The venue went bankrupt not long before my marriage split up. Since then, it has fallen into neglect and disrepair. I was alone in…

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New-age smartass.

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